The next year and half of my life was a nightmare. David started coming around more often. He would always manage to “be there” when no one else was. I wanted to run away and escape, but again there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I had stopped asking God to help me; in fact, I hardly ever thought about God at all. My thoughts were, “God doesn’t care about me. No one cares about me”.
Tina had this thing about keeping track of monthly cycles on the calendar. She knew exactly when Sally and I were to have our periods. When I stopped having mine – I didn’t tell her. In fact, I wrapped up clean pads and threw them in the trash for two months. And then one day she discovered my deception. She whipped me with a belt and screamed at me to tell her who it was. Well, needless to say I certainly wasn’t going to tell her it was her son! I made up a wild story about it happening at the campgrounds. I was scared; I didn’t know what she would do to me. The caseworker was called, and within a few days I was removed from the home.
In the late sixties unwed pregnant girls were not allowed to attend public schools. They were usually sent to a group home called an “Unwed Mother’s Home” where they would receive housing and schooling, and medical care. The caseworker in charge of my case did not want to place me in that type of setting, and so she found a private family home that was willing to provide housing and care until the baby should be born. I would go to a private school, which permitted me to take both the 7th and 8th grades together (my grades had dropped significantly and I could not be promoted). By taking both grades together I would start my academic life over again with students my own age. The plan was I would have the baby and put it up for adoption and life would go back to normal; it would be like nothing had ever happened.
When I arrived at Robert and Jane’s home I was in a state of denial. When Jane asked if I was pregnant I said, “No”. I think I was in a sort of dream state and at any moment I would wake up and everything would be different. Jane was very understanding. She took me to her family doctor who confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. Jane tried to explain to me that there was a little baby growing inside of me. She must have realized I wasn’t ready to face reality; she took my hand in hers and reassured me that everything was going to be all right. Somehow – I believed her. I was 13 years old.
It always amazes me, when I look back through my life experiences, to see how God has worked in every situation of my life. Because of those experiences and where I am today, I can trust God when He speaks to me through His word. Isaiah 41:10, says to me, for example, “Fear not; for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” And Isaiah 43:1-3, “But now sayeth the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not; for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour. . .” He is here today, for each of us. I pray you find your way to the comfort He offers, if I can help just let me know. Blessings, Patricia