I just could not seem to shake the flu. So I decided I had better see the Center doctor. I told the cottage parent I was sick and needed an appointment.
I went to the doctor’s office on campus, and he gave me an examination and stated matter-of-factly, “You don’t have the flu.” “You’re pregnant”. Every ounce of air was sucked from the room; a feeling of paralysis overcame the muscles of my body. I said, “What?” “That’s impossible!” “I haven’t been with anyone.” He chuckled, “I don’t know what tell you, but you’re pregnant.” My mind raced as I tried to make sense of what I had just been told. Then a strange eerie awareness flooded my being. It was hard to breathe; my ears were hushed of all sound. My thoughts in a panic began to search through the stored memories of my mind bringing the unconscious into startling reality. Searching, arranging, comprehending. Horror filled my being as the reality of the events came into focus. I shouted in my mind “It couldn’t have happened!” and yet I knew it had. I couldn’t recall all the details but I knew what most likely had happened during the two days I had lost some six weeks before.
The doctor witnessed my distress and called my caseworker. My mind was numb and absent of thought; my body seemed disconnected as I wandered around aimlessly from place to place. I could hear when people spoke but I couldn’t understand them. I could see their faces but they were distorted. In sleep there was no peace. My caseworker came to me and said, “Don’t worry, I have taken care of everything.” “Everything is going to be okay.” Her words didn’t make any sense to me. I didn’t know what she was talking about. In my mind nothing would ever be okay.
She drove me to a brown-bricked building. I walked into what looked like a living room. My caseworker kept smiling and repeating, “Everything is going to be okay”; “Everything is going to be alright.” I signed some papers, I did not read and then I was taken to a room with an examining table; I was given a pill the nurse said would help me to relax. I lay down and went to sleep. When I awoke I was in a comfortable easy chair. My caseworker was there, smiling, “It’s all over,” she said, “You’re not pregnant anymore.” Her smile was strange and kind of freakish, I didn’t comprehend what she meant. It would be over ten years before I would experience the full emotional impact of the event of that day.
“But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. “For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior . . .” Isaiah 43:1-3. You probably know the poem “Footprints in the Sand”. Well, that pretty much depicts my life experience. I thank God that He has carried me all my life. I share my experiences because I want you to know that He has carried you too, and will continue to carry us all to the end. Our Father in Heaven wants to give us victory over what the enemy has done in an attempt to keep us from experiencing a real loving relationship with God. The precious Holy Spirit continues to work in my life to restore trust and to reveal the truth about the loving relationship that God has always wanted with me, and He is not a respecter of persons. He desires you to, to experience restoration and healing as you fall in love with a God who has sacrificed everything to make it happen. He has proved Himself to be Trustworthy. Blessings
FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints. Other times there were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to the Lord, “You promised me, Lord, That if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life, There have only been one set of prints in the sand. Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints Is when I carried you.” Anonymous